Love…does not seek its own. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are the best thing that could possibly happen to your marriage. The bad news is that you could also be the worst thing that could possibly happen to your marriage.
How can both of these be true? Well, it comes down to whether you will die to yourself for the sake of your spouse, or whether you will be selfish, insisting on taking care of yourself first.
Hands down, selfishness is the number one problem in marriage, the biggest reason for divorce. Selfish expectations, wanting things the way you want them, are marriage killers.
God designed us so that the blessings come when we die to ourselves, and this is especially true in our marriages. Yet for some reason, it’s easier to be unselfish with our children, friends, or even sometimes with strangers than with the one person who is our first responsibility. Somehow it suddenly becomes about the way we want things, expect things, or about what we need and want.
Selfishness is a black hole whose desires are never fulfilled. Selfishness is never happy, never satisfied, and never whole. It never stops making demands. The result of this is that, at best, one unselfish spouse works their tail off to satisfy their partner, but it’s impossible and they become increasingly frustrated as their efforts to love are met with ingratitude and an even longer list of entitlement-minded demands. At worst, two selfish people make continual demands of each other and become repeatedly offended with one another as these demands regularly go unmet.
Finally, the selfish person’s desires cannot be met and they decide to look for someone else to meet their needs. Since marriage was about them to begin with, of course, this is no great sacrifice to walk all over their spouse’s and children’s hearts, needs, or lives.
Love, on the other hand, does not seek its own. It seeks to benefit others. And when we actually embrace love in a marriage then not only are all our needs met, but trust and true intimacy are built over time that makes our marriage and our family a rock-solid pillar of love in our communities.
Doing family right is the ultimate witness for Christ, and it starts when we reject selfishness and choose love.
Prayer Father God,
Thank You for not being selfish with me! Please help me to be loving and unselfish like You are so that my family will not only survive, but so that it will become even better than I have ever imagined that it could be!