Better Families

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Colossians 3:20

Have you ever seen a pet that went to obedience school? It really is amazing the difference between the pets who know they are not in charge and the ones who think they might still have a chance.

All people should have to go through obedience school, too. There is never a time in life when you will not have to answer to someone. You will always have to obey, and the earlier in life you can learn this, the better off you will be.

Training our children to obey us as their parents is one of the best things we can do for them. It will save them trouble with teachers and employers for the rest of their lives, setting them up for good grades, great jobs, and high placement for promotions and raises. Not only that, but when they are trained to obey us as parents, they are trained to obey God as their Father.

To do this right requires work in three areas very early in life. First, children need to accept the reality that they need to obey their parents in all things. This means without fussing, whining, complaining, arguing, or watering down what they were told to do. But I don't want to, does not get to be part of their vocabulary.

Second, children need to understand that their job is to learn. Your job is to teach (and to keep guard that what they learn from others, television programs included, does not violate biblical values), but their job is to learn.

Third, children need to know who they are. Even at the youngest of ages, you can begin to positively reinforce who they are. If you call them the nightmare-strong-willed-devil-child (as I have heard several Christian parents call their children), or even if you call them difficult, then what do you think they will be? Perhaps they acted that way, but your words will reinforce wrong behavior as a deeply held identity. Instead, choose to use words toward them that call them higher, no matter how they live up to it. After all, God calls us overcomers even in the midst of our failures, so we should do the same for our children.

These three areas help to establish healthy boundaries that cause children to flourish without squelching who they are. Hold fast to these things and you will begin to have a better family.

Prayer Father God,

Thank You for giving us instructions in Your Word that help us have better families! Please give me wisdom in raising my children and help me to apply the tools You give us in Your Word.

Amen

The Full Surrender

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

I once met a girl named Zoe. It was at a church youth retreat up in British Columbia, and she was about as rough as they come.

Every time I spoke, she walked out on me. Her t-shirts cussed at me. She had so many piercings that it looked like she fell in my tackle box. Her skin was covered in tattoos. She gave off such an unwelcoming feeling that even I, the camp speaker, avoided her until the last day. In fact, I might have avoided her for the whole week except for one thing-I knew a guy who had a daughter named Zoe ripped away from him in a nasty divorce. His ex ran off and took his daughter to Australia and he hadn't seen her since. I had to find out, no matter how much of a long shot it might be, if she was his Zoe.

It was the last mealtime of camp and I got her to sit at my table. I asked her, Hey, small chance, I know, but is your dad a friend of mine from San Diego named Rob? She started to cry. Turns out she was that Zoe, but she didn't stick around long, running off on me again.

The next day was our seven-hour boat ride back to Vancouver, and I sat next to her the whole time, throwing every Bible verse I had ever memorized at her. She finally said, You're a little thick! I want nothing to do with you, or my dad, or your God! Leave me alone!

I felt like a failure, I mean, a complete failure. But the story ends well. I called my buddy Rob and told him about his daughter. He somehow already knew she was there and had bought a ticket to go up there before she headed back to Australia. He found her completely cleaned up, not at all as I had last seen her, and they called me. After the boat docked, I just stayed there all night, she told me, and I thought about everything you said at camp. When the sun came up that morning, it melted my heart and I invited God into my life. Jesus Christ has taken over my life and radically changed me from the inside out!

Listen, maybe you feel like a Zoe, needing to let Jesus Christ take over your life, or maybe you know a Zoe. Maybe your marriage feels lost. Whatever it is, however far beyond reach you feel your Zoe is, remember today that it is not so lost or damaged that God isn't able to redeem and save it.

His arm is not too short to save! Ask God to transform your life and the life of the Zoe you know.

Prayer Lord Jesus,

Thank You that no one is beyond Your reach! I pray for my Zoe today, that You would send someone to them, even if it's me, to reach them and bring them home to Your love!

Amen

The Key of Forgiveness

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

We're going to recite the Lord's Prayer together. Ready?

Wait, hold on. Let's address one thing first, because I want to make sure that when we pray this prayer, we really mean it.

Think about it. Have you ever noticed that this prayer says, And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors? How comfortable are you really in asking God to only forgive you in the way that you forgive others?

I bet you're glad that we stopped before we prayed those words now, aren't you? But here's the hijacked crunch of the entire matter, gang-we're stuck with this deal with God whether we pray that prayer or not, whether we like it or not.

Look at our verses today, because Jesus makes it very clear for us. If you forgive men their trespasses then God will forgive you. And if you do not forgive men their trespasses, then neither will God forgive yours.

You can't have one without the other. I mean, I know we try. We try to separate these two. We try to justify our unforgiveness. Well, you know what? What happened to me was so horrible.

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you know what? What happened to Jesus was horrible, too, and it was you and me who did that to Him. So our forgiveness is forever tied to our forgiving those who have hurt us, whether they deserve it or not, whether they are repentant or not.

You probably won't hear this anywhere else, but I'm just going to say it-if you can't forgive, you can't go to Heaven.

If you can't forgive, if you can't get over this thing, if you can't give it to God, if you can't believe beyond the blunder, if you can't allow for a second chance, if you can't surrender this, if you can't replace the wanting to get even with the wanting for God's best, if you can't forgive, then you can't get to Heaven.

But God so much desires for us to get to Heaven that not only does He give to us this difficult thing to do, but by His Spirit, He also gives us the strength and ability to accomplish it.

Will you let Him give you strength to forgive today?

Prayer Lord Jesus,

You really are Lord of my life, no matter what. Thanks for giving me clear instructions on forgiveness. I choose today to forgive everyone who has hurt me, and I choose to forgive myself for the hurtful things I've done, too. Please come and set me free today!

Amen

The Yardstick of Hardships

Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation? If I must boast, I will boast in the things which concern my infirmity. 2 Corinthians 11:29-30

Have you ever had trouble? And I mean more than just that you had trouble opening the new pickle jar. Have you ever had a season of trouble?

I think all of us have probably had times of trouble like that. And most of us, if we're normal humans, we respond to those times of trouble by crying out to God to deliver us.

We can learn a lot about how to deal with troubling times from Paul, who experienced more than his fair share of trouble. What's interesting is that he doesn't quit in light of the hardships, nor does he give us some syrupy, sappy, three-step remedy to our hardships.

Do you know what he does? He switches the focus for us. He helps us remember that Christ has not forgotten us in our circumstances, but that He is actually in our corner, real and loving enough to be with us no matter what we are experiencing. We need to never take our eyes off of Jesus, remembering that He never takes His eyes off of us.

Listen to what we learn most from Paul-his circumstances never shake His faith. Even though he is never once delivered from his circumstances, rather being delivered through them, he never once considers abandoning his Savior just to save himself from the troubling circumstances.

That is a huge paradigm shift for you and me right now. I think many of us pray, God, get me out of this trouble right now! And if You don't get me out of it, I'm ditching. If You won't save me, I'll save myself.

And we have this loving God on His throne in Heaven saying, Yeah, but I'm using this in your life. I'm really molding and shaping you right now.

I don't care. Enough. Out. Now.

But what happens if we jump ship in the middle of this? We don't grow. We remain runts. In fact, sometimes it's worse than that, because we've gone to the breaking point in our circumstances, and we run away broken from the God who wants to put us back together again.

Listen, there is healing on the other side of your circumstances. Trust in God, pour out your heart to Him, and stay faithful to stick with Him through the whole process. He's got good things on the other side.

Prayer Father God,

Thank You that You are always my good God no matter what is happening in my life! I put my trust in You for my life, that You will faithfully see me through every trouble and lead me into Your glory on the other side!

Amen

Redeemed

Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' ...And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed...Then the man said, The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.' Genesis 1:22-23,25; 2:12

Do you remember when you first got married?

Most people can think back on the excitement of life and the newness that filled everything you did in those first weeks and months. There was purpose in going to work. There was joy in coming home. Even cleaning the house was a delight because you knew that you were doing it for the man you loved.

Then something happened and the beauty and innocence you had in the beginning went away. Perhaps in the beginning it was somewhat like Adam and Eve when they were naked with each other and knew no shame. You used to share everything with each other, the deepest and most intimate moments that you would share with no one else.

But now something separates you. When you get around each other, there's that doubt, that fear of setting off your spouse, of hitting that old button. And there's shame in the intimacy you used to have because you wonder where it went and whether you should have ever shared those deep places of your heart in the first place.

Adam and Eve experienced that separation, too, and it started when Adam tried to pass responsibility for his problems to Eve. It's not my fault, he told God, that woman you gave me told me to eat the apple.

Eve followed Adam's example, It's not my fault, either. The serpent tricked me!

All too often, a rift grows between us and our spouse when a difficult time comes-an argument, a tough choice on which we disagree, or someone makes a big mistake-and we choose to blame one another. As soon as we blame, we take sides and find our marriage divided.

The first step back to the love, shamelessness, and innocence is to forgive and to take responsibility. I'm sorry, please forgive me, goes a long, long way.

Choose today to come back to the same side with your spouse. Repent, forgive, and take responsibility. It will save your marriage and bring you back to where you began.

Prayer Lord Jesus,

Thank You for showing me the power of forgiveness. There are some messed up things in my marriage, but please help me to take responsibility, to forgive, and to become one with my spouse again.

Amen

Avoiding the Toll Road of Divorce

If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. I Corinthians 7:12-14

Imagine being stuck married to someone who has different dreams, values, and plans for life than you. You know married people are supposed to be on the same page with their spouse, but everywhere you turn it seems that you bump into conflict. Conversations about managing finances, raising kids, what friends you should have, and more turn into potential minefields. You can't even ride in the car together with the radio on without one side feeling like they have to make concessions for the other.

This could describe any marriage, but the likelihood dramatically increases when you are a Christian who is married to someone who does not believe in Jesus. What are you supposed to do if you find yourself in this situation? Whether you got saved after you were married or were already saved yet still chose to marry an unbeliever, the answer is the same-stay put! Hang in there!

In these verses, Paul helps us understand why this is so important. The reason is because as long as your unbelieving spouse is willing to remain married to you, you actually sanctify them by remaining married to them.

What does that mean? It means that you make them holy, setting them apart unto the Lord, becoming an open door for Him to work in their lives and bring them to salvation! You are the beachhead for His invasion into their soul, and as long as you remain together, He will work on them.

Your children will be blessed because of you as well because you serve as a covering of protection for them. Your faithfulness to the Lord helps lead them into the same faithfulness. God blesses you by blessing them.

There is so much blessing in staying put. Hang in there-for there is hope!

Prayer Lord Jesus,

Thank You for always being faithful to me no matter how much reason I have given you to leave. Please help me to have the same strength to remain faithful to my spouse, and please have Your way in their life so they will soon believe in You, too.

Amen

Resolved: Fighting the Good Fight

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? ...Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:1,7-8

Let me clear your conscience right now-it is normal to have conflict in your marriage. You are two different people, from two different backgrounds, with two different upbringings, with different ways of doing everything from brushing your teeth to bringing up children. It is not possible for you to cram these vast differences into the same household, the same bed, the same marriage, or the same family without experiencing a measure of conflict.

The question is how you will handle those conflicts?

Our verses today remind us that the ultimate source of all conflict is selfishness-we want something for ourselves and therefore walk over someone else to get it. Granted, many times this is on accident, but it still hurts the person who gets walked on, hence the conflict.

So now we find ourselves in the middle of a conflict. I'm hurt. You're hurt. We're both angry, and now, without realizing it, a wedge has come between us. Our queen bed has become two singles. We are no longer standing together, and instead, we are opposing one another.

How do we come together again? We find something to pursue in common; we refocus our vision on something new, and that something is a someone called God. We submit to God, saying, God, I know You don't want this wedge in my marriage. Please help me to fix it.

Then we resist the devil, choosing to handle the conflict in a loving way that refuses to lower itself to accusation and pointing of fingers. We choose instead the high road of preferring one another and seeking the other person's benefit.

Then, together, we draw near to God and wait as He draws near to us, bringing His peace to resolve our conflict, restore our marriage, and heal our hearts. This is like revisiting your wedding day, when you and your spouse both independently approached the altar, yet left unified.

If your marriage is divided today, choose to come back to the altar. Submit yourself, your spouse, and your marriage to God. Resist the devil. Draw near to God, and watch as He begins to transform your marriage into all you dreamed it would be.

Prayer Lord God,

You are the creator of marriage, and I want to honor You! Come help me in my marriage and bring peace to our conflicts. Bring us back to the same side and heal our hearts. Thank You for healing my marriage!

Amen